How To Give a MIND-BLOWING Blow Job!

In eleven easy to remember steps!

By: Toxicka Shock

ToxickaShock@gmail.com

On Twitter: @ToxickaShock

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Let’s cut to the chase: everyone with a penis really, really enjoys receiving blow jobs.

Fellatio is kind of like pizza, in the sense that even when both are substandard, they’re still pretty good. Of course, some BJs are certainly more pleasurable and memorable than others. And this is a subject I am well-credentialed to speak on, considering I’ve received and doled out my fair share of blowies over the years.

There are a ton of guides out there on how to give blow jobs. Almost all of them focus on some abstruse oral techniques, as if bending your neck a certain way or rolling your tongue somehow turns you into the BJ queen of the known universe. Long story short, there’s no one way to give a blow job that’ll exhilarate and please everyone. And clearly, one mechanical variable isn’t going to be enough to lead you to dick sucking supremacy.

Everybody with a cock enjoys things differently. Some like less pressure, some like more pressure. Some like to be licked, some like to be slurped. Some people prefer a focus on the head, while others prioritize their shaft or testicles. What might make a recipient spurt massive pregnancy loads on your uvula may not even get a fizzle of pre-cum out of somebody else. So as always, your mileage will always vary depending on the personal preferences of whoever you’re going down on.

That said, over the years I’ve found a couple of best practices that have proven quite popular with my amorous acquaintances. And as the beneficiary of the same, I can certainly testify to the receiving end enjoyability of the following eleven approaches. 

Prep those jaw muscles, folks — it’s time to our head games to the next level …

Step One

Adequately moisturize

If you’re going to have vaginal or anal sex, it’s always a good idea to lube up beforehand. Well, the same principle also holds true for blow jobs. You’re going to put your lips through a lot of friction, and nothing takes the ooo-la-la out of a hot cock suckin’ quite like a pair of dried up kissers grinding up and down on your pecker like sandpaper. The solution here? Be proactive and prep your pout pre-oral with a generous lathering of your favorite lip gloss or lip balm product. The key here is to over-apply, since nothing takes the sheen off your lips faster than a mouthful of penis. The base won’t have much of a shelf life, but it will at least buy you enough time to work your way into a groove. The recipient might have some qualms about the waxiness of some lip scrubs or lipsticks, but you can always play it vanilla and simply use some clear or unflavored gloss. I’ll leave it up to your own discretion to determine how much lip product is too much or too little. But hey, if you want to give oral looking like Miranda Sings, I doubt too many recipients will suddenly want to bow out of it.

Step Two

Keep it spitty

Of course, lip gloss and lip gel can only take you so far. Like anal or vaginal sex, internal lubrication is incredibly important when it comes to blow jobs, and that means you’ve got to keep your mouth pumping saliva like a geyser. For some people, this really shouldn’t be an issue. Indeed, the salivation is practically involuntary. But for those of you more prone to cottonmouth, you may have to goad yourself into secreting a little extra spit while you’re slobbing on a knob. Probably the easiest way to accomplish this feat is by temporarily plying your tongue to the roof of your mouth (trust me, unless your blowing Long Dong Silver, you’ll have enough room) and kind of sucking your cheeks in a little bit. This is a technique guaranteed to get a nice tide of backwash swishing around, and that extra fluidity can sometimes be the difference between an OK-but-not-really-rememberable blow and the kind of hummer a motherfucker will be talking about for years afterwards. And if that isn’t enough, how about getting extra kinky and asking the recipient to spit in your mouth for some added viscosity?

Step Three

Don’t neglect the balls

For some reason, a lot of blow job givers have a tendency to overlook the testicles. This is a tremendous mistake, since the ballsack is every bit as erogenous as the penis itself — go on Wikipedia and look up all the nerve endings in there and shit. For me, all world-class blow jobs begins with some tender, loving care of the testes. Generally, this includes some soft cradling of the testicles as a bit of foreplay. And when it comes to actually put your mouth on the recipient’s genitals, the best place to start is sack-first. It’s even better if you catch the recipient by surprise. A lot of people have had their penises sucked, but even people who have had dozens or hundred of dick slurpings before may have never experienced the thrill and joy that is having their testicles sucked on. As a receiver it’s a very nice feeling, and it ain’t too shabby if you’re the giver, either. Granted, the first couple of times you do it it’s going to feel weird — it’s like having a coin purse with two meatballs in it in your mouth — but once you figure out how to sweep your tongue across the flesh while softly sucking (as in, LITERALLY sucking) on the sack, you’ll have your partner on cloud nine in no time at all.

Step Four

Use your hands

A great blow job is a multi-sensory experience. It’s not just about the pleasure of an oral vacuum on your cock, it’s about the overall tactile feelings you get all over your body. It’s the smells, the sounds, the tastes — just the total inundation of the giver on the receiver. And if you really want to get the most mileage out of a BJ, you’re going to have to put your hands (which, thankfully, are freed up) to good use. Before the penis actually enters your mouth, you need to engage in a little light-hearted manual stimulation. Perhaps a full-fledged jerking isn’t appropriate, but you can still tease the BJ getter with a few teasing strokes, perhaps even a very soft scratch around a tender area (not all people are going to be into that, but those that are will rave about it for the rest of their goddamn lives.) A few hearty masturbatory tugs never hurt anybody, and you’d be wise to continue using your fingers during the blow job itself. While you’re slurping and sucking, why not tickle the base of the penis, or even palm the testicles in your hand for an more comprehensively engaging blowie? Oh, and by now, you should know how to do the patented porn star wrist twister motion whenever such scenarios arise.

I don't play the piano, but i sure do enjoy two lips on *MY* organ ...

Step Five

Maintain eye contact

The positioning of the blow job is every bit as important as the blow job itself. Perhaps even more so. There’s nothing wrong with the old-fashioned T-bone blowjob (where the recipient lies prostrate and the giver kneels or lays beside them), and depending on the environmental circumstances (i.e., if you’re sucking someone off while they’re in a driver’s seat), that’s pretty much your only option to work with. However, there’s more than one way to frame a throaty and thorough dick suckin’, and one of my preferred positions is to have the recipient seated in a 90-degree L-shape while I work from a backwards L kneeling stance. It might be a little difficult for you neophyte cocksuckers out there (instead of going into your mouth at a near 180 degree line, it’s bound to come in there at an obtuse angle), but once you get the hang of it, it’s a very manageable and rewarding position. Personally, I enjoy working from this stance because it gives the recipient the ability to look at my face while I cram their wad down my gullet, which is one of those pseudo-voyeuristic things that a lot of people (myself included) really gets off on. Even better, it allows you to maintain nearly constant eye contact with the recipient, which makes the dick sucking session way more intimate and intense. Not only is it insanely hot, it can even be quite romantic — if you want to stoke someone’s passions, it’s hard to think of a more suitable way of doing so via oral sex.

Step Six

Moan and moan often

This is one of those things that’s regularly overlooked in oral sex, and that’s a shame. First off, moaning serves a crucial psychological function in a blow job. If the recipient gets the impression that you’re enjoying sucking the cock as much as they enjoy getting it sucked, that sends their hormones into overdrive. It establishes an air of mutual pleasure, and unless you’re dating the next Ted Bundy, it’s difficult to imagine anyone being displeased by that. Secondly, making those whorish sounds mid-suck has some physical science working for it, too. Those bellows and coos and groans create verbal oscillations that the recipient can feel on their dick, and the experience can run the gamut anywhere from a refreshing light tickle to an orgasmic oral stimulation that’s enough to cause the cum globs to start spurting involuntarily. Try a low grumble, or perhaps even a sharp sigh the next time you’re polishing off a meat popsicle. The recipient’s reaction should tell you all you need to know about the power of verbal sex. You know, even if you’re not actually saying real words or shit.

Step Seven

It’s all about the head games

The head of the penis is where the action’s at. As the softest and most sensitive part of the cock, any blow job worth a toot is going to involve a lot of licking, massaging and suction near the recipient’s cum slit — and for obvious physiological reasons. The head of the penis — it doesn’t matter of the recipient is circumcised or uncircumcised, really — has three primary pleasure points. There are the sides of the head (basically, the slightly curved part that forms a quasi-dome shape), the area just underneath the head (the ridges located right above the shaft) and the penis hole itself. Of the three, the pecker hole tends to get the least amount of recognition, and that’s a real drag, since it can definitely be one of the most erogenous zones of the entire penis. There’s no real trick or system here, it’s just about finding the right degree of speed and tempo. Some recipients like it when you go super soft and slow, almost like you were licking on the tip of an ice cream cone. And others really want you to go to town on their cock, basically grinding your tongue against their dick skin like you were trying to polish the chrome off a trailer hitch. Regardless of the most effective approach, you might want to try snaking your tongue into the recipient’s penis hole, or perhaps even peppering it with a few soft kisses. Again, it’s the kind of thing that not every blow job getter is going to enjoy, but in the case they do? They are going to fuckin’ love you for it.

Step Eight

Focus on the frenulum

Although the head deserves the most attention during a blow job, the sweet spot of the dick, so to speak, is located just underneath it. Meet the frenulum, friends — that little veiny hood that looks like a spoke holding the head of the penis up. Think of it as the bridge between the shaft and the head, even though geographically speaking, that’s not really an accurate statement. Regardless, having the frenulum poked, prodded and pleased is nothing short of euphoric, to the point you could rightly call it the penile analogue to the clitoris. There’s only so many different ways I can say “holy shit, does it feel great when somebody licks it,” but that’s more or less the thrust of it. If you want to make your partner squirm with delight, really go to town on the frenulum and give it hard, forceful licks. And while you’re tending to the head, be sure to run your thumb over it in vigorous up and down spurts, almost like you were massaging it. Depending on well you gesticulate, a few hearty, sensual rubs may be all you need to send your partner spiraling into orbit — and a sack-draining orgasm.

Ooo, my favorite lip balm flavor!

Step Nine

Play with the pre-cum

At some point, the recipient is going to start spurting out some pre-ejaculatory fluid. There’s a couple of different names for it, but the term “Cowper’s fluid” sounds the most scientific and technical so fuck it, that’s the one were going to work with. The Cowper’s fluid is pretty fun to work with, because it has a very elastic quality to it. You can twirl it around your tongue, squish it between your lips or even try to repurpose it as extra lube. Every blow job giver has a different technique, of course, but as soon as my partner is starting to secrete the fluid heavily, I make an effort to momentarily halt the sucking and slobbin’ so I can rub it on my fingers, smear it over my face or do something else with it that’s highly suggestive and incredibly whorish. Remember, nothing make a blow job receiver more euphoric than the assumption that the blow job giver is having just as much fun — if not even more. Feel free to borrow any of my tried and true trashy-tramp-tease-talk phrases below:

— “Ooo, looks like mama’s making you moist, too!”

— “Uh-oh, I take it this means you’re about to blow your wad any minute, huh?”

— “I guess that means you can’t take much more of it, can you?”

— “Thanks for giving me a little taste, baby. Now hurry up and give me the full load.”

Oh, and be sure you say it in a really breathy, labored voice that makes you sound like a cross between Kim Gordon from Sonic Youth and Uma Thurman playing Poison Ivy. That shit right there is always money at the (sperm) bank.

Step Ten

Don’t spit or swallow — savor it

So it’s come time for your partner to cum. For eons, we’ve kind of been gaslit into thinking that when it comes to blow join outcomes, the only options at our disposal is “spit” or “swallow.” Although true in theory, the reality is that once your partner has secreted in your mouth you have a third option, and this is one that seems to have especially endeared me to some of my past acquaintances. Instead of breaking off the BJ as soon as the cum floods your mouth … keep sucking. That’s right, even after the recipient is finished, try extending the pleasure by continuing to slurp and slobber on the dick — all while using the fresh semen as another layer of lube. As a giver and a receiver it takes some time getting used to, but if you’re willing to spend a little extra time with the bonus batter in the equation, the results for both parties can be nothing short of electrifying. One of the hottest things I’ve ever experienced was leading a former partner of mine into back to back orgasms. Feeling their hot, goopy, sticky seed splattering against the still warm wads of their own spunk already in my mouth was nearly transcendent levels of slutdom. Granted, you may not be so eager to turn your own pie hole into a sperm-bloated Petri dish, but if that’s your thing, you are going to be in fuckin’ heaven.

Step Eleven

Share the sperm

Alright, so it’s finally come down to the moment of truth. You’ve got a hot, sticky clump of jizz in your mouth and it has to go somewhere, right? Sure, you could just gulp it down and get a little extra protein in your digestive tract, or you could simply spit it out in the toilet or bathroom sink (which means you get NO bonus points for creativity, though.) This is one of those things that won’t please everybody, but those who do get off on it will absolutely love you for this trick. You know what I’m talking about here — snowballing, ya’ll. After so much sucking and slurping, why not reward the recipient by funneling their own spunk back into their bodies through some especially gooey and salty French kissing? Depending on your perspective, this blissfully bisexual behavior is either kinky to the nth degree or deeply and profoundly intimate, if not even a wee bit romantic. I mean, you are passing the life force back and forth with each other, which has to count for something in metaphorical terms. Unless you’re an absolute puritan/ultra homophobe (like there’s a difference) it’s hard to imagine recipients being turned off by the act of semen-flavored smooching, especially if it’s a punctuation mark for an extremely satisfying, gonad-emptying blow job. Personally, I can’t think of a better way to bring penis-centric oral sex to a conclusion — indeed, from my stance, it’s the only proper way to end a blow job.

XOXO, TOXICKA